It's taken approximately 17 years, 6 months and 28 days but its FINALLY happened. I'M IN LOVE! Well and truly, deeply and madly, utterly and stupidly, can't eat sleep or think of anything else, head over heels in love!! And the object of my undying affection/rampant teenage keep getting boners every 5 bloody seconds lust?? The new Russian exchange student at school...IVAN!! Oh Ivan...how is it possible for one human being to be so God damn bloody cute (seriously, like the cutest thing you have EVER seen) and so God damn fucking GORGEOUS?!! If I described him as the most adorably gorgeous boy to ever walk the Earth even THAT wouldn't feel like I was doing this spunk soaked wank rag shoved down the side of my bed in human form proper justice! And oh yeah...there's another thing you should know about my future husband/tied up hostage in my parents basement..he happens to be a real life, pumped to the max, outrageously huge, cartoonishly massive, every single body part exploding & bulging out for miles, twice as big and beefy as any fucking lad in any of my classes, so wide he can barely fit in the school fucking hallways, competitive bodybuilding muscle boy!! FUUUCKKK!!
He's like a miniature version of all the huge nasty freaky hardcore vein splattered bodybuilders in the muscle mags I get out and have a sneaky look at/cheeky tug over every night, before hiding them under my bed, which by the way I am convinced my mum has found. That would explain why she hasn't been able to look me in the eye for weeks, and why when my dad simply said the word "magazine" she dropped about four dinner plates on to the kitchen floor, before muttering something and scurrying out the room, face as red as a bleedin' beetroot, with a look of sheer panic, horror and mortified embarrassment etched across it like some dirty old man in a trench coat had just flashed his penis at her!
Even when Ivan was standing at the front of the class as Mr Kennedy was introducing him, and he was covered up by his jacket, he still looked fucking MASSIVE! Like a fucking tank on two legs. Huge thick meat bulging underneath his clothing, begging to burst out. And then of course when Mr Kennedy announced "Ivan has entered muscle man competitions", which caused a few whispers and giggles from the rest of the class, my face went bright, something started swelling under my desk and I prayed for the ground to swallow me whole. And then Mr K said, "Come on Ivan, show us those guns"! OH. MY. GOD!! Ivan blushed like mad (cuuuute) but his face erupted in a cheeky/smug smirk! He coyly took off his jacket and FUCK ME HARD his arms were fucking HER-YUUUUGE!!! These monstrously thick fucking things just popping out below the sleeves of his t shirt. A ripple of gasps and giggles rode through the room. And Mr Kennedy, in his typically excruciatingly embarrassing manner continued, "my gosh Ivan you are a big lad. Come on then boyo, give us a flex. Show us some pump". Ivan's cute lil' cheeks burned up even more as he tentatively raised his right arm and flexed into a one arm bicep, his huge hard croquet ball shaped muscle erupting and exploding beside his oh-so-gorgeous mug. At this point my face had turned so red I could have been mistaken for a 5"10 lobster in a school uniform. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, but also just about the most incredibly freaky, unbelievably horny thing my eyes have ever witnessed and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since!!
Now I'm not a religious man, but tonight I felt the need to get down on knees, rest my arms on the end of my bed and say a little prayer. This is how it went, "Dear God. I know we have never spoken before, and I know I've never really paid much attention in R.E, nor am I sure that I even believe you exist *but* if you can fix it for Ivan, aka the huge, pumped, cuter than cute mountain of Russian muscle gorgeousness/rotten cute roid stuffed muscle man boy God of my dreams, to return my love/affection/wanting to cream my undies every time I think of his beastly biceps erupting at the front of the class (i.e. every fucking second of the day) then I promise I will never EVER bunk off school and spend the day getting drunk in the park on a bottle of vodka stole from my parents cabinet again, I will stop sneaking into my sisters room and reading her diary, and my days of stealing the pick n mix from Woolies when the security guards not looking will be over. Oh and I will stop forging my moms signature to write notes for getting out of P.E. And I suppose I'll try and stop screaming "get out of my fucking face you bitch I hate you & I wish I was adopted".
Failing that God, if you could fix it for Ivan to have some kind of temporary amnesia, long enough for me to convince him that we are life long lovers and he is head over tan painted heels in love with me, thus allowing me to touch, feel and squeeze every single one of his indecently pumped outrageously big muscles before fucking him till there's nothing left but a pair of posing trunks and a damp patch, then I promise I won't ask or want for anything else again".
Right diary, I'm off to dream about whatever's hiding/bulging underneath Ivan's shirt. My guess? A perfectly pumped pair of the most lickable pecs and the cutest little set of ripped up skin stretching abdominal muscles bursting through his tummy. Oh and if my *own* tummy isn't covered in sticky white love piss when I wake up tomorrow morning it will be a fucking miracle!
Love muscleaddict, aged 17
Links to my other Ivan posts: